i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
