No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
