ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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