apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
