Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
