Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
