I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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