ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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