Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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