my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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