I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
