I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
