There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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