so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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