We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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