I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
