Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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