Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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