I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
