i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
