If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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