fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
