So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
are you so shy because you have an std?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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