You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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