is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
