NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
