I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
