I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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