OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
