i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
