hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize