I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
