she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
