PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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