'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
