I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
