Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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