my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
