If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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