I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
