I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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