also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
