Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize