My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
