shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
