Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
