We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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