"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
