i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
