Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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