is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
