The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
