Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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