Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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