You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
