I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Randomize
