I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
