So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
