i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
