Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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