1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize