she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
