oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
