I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
