His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
