i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
