My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
