Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
