I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
