We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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