i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
