my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
