if you like me you must not know who I am
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
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