Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
