I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
