he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
