there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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