So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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